It's Hard to be Five

I had some thoughts run through my head tonight and I thought I would share what was on my mind (I seem to be doing that a lot these days :)

My favorite part of the day actually takes place in the evening right before my kids head off to bed. Every night, the kids get to pick out one or two books each for me to read to them. We usually snuggle up on the couch because their beds are too small for all of us to fit on. This is a nightly tradition that we have shared ever since Bryanna was a baby. This is a moment I definitely treasure because I know that I will not always be able to do this. At some point my kids are going to grow up :( With Bryanna getting older, she tends to disappear into her room to read her book while I read to Kalyssa and Travin. Every now and then she will join us on the couch but, her books are much more interesting these days :)

I love to read but more than that, I just simply love books. Children’s books are among some of my favorite reads. I think I have more favorite children’s authors than I do adult authors. Needless to say my kids literally have their own library! We have books ranging from Eric Carle, Jan Brett, and Robert Munsch to Mary Pope Osborne, Roald Dahl, Ann Martin, and C.S. Lewis. One of the things that I’ve hoped to pass on to my kids is my enthusiasm for reading and my passion for books. So far, I think I have managed to sucker them into it but only time will tell.

Anyhow, tonight Travin picked out a book that we hadn’t read in a long time. I looked at the cover and had to smile to myself. It’s Hard to be Five stared me right back in the face. It seemed like the perfect book to read considering how the past couple of weeks have been going. I’m not sure how many of you read a previous blog I had posted about my struggles with Travin but things have been a little on the rough side with my soon to be five year old.

In the past 3 weeks, I have had a pediatrician adamantly tell me that there is something wrong with my son. I took the kids to the base clinic for a regular office visit to check them in with their new pediatrician and to have simple physical’s completed for school. During this appointment, I asked the doctor about some behavioral issues that we had been having at home. She talked with Travin a little bit but asked me to bring him back in so that she could evaluate him further. A week later Travin and I went back. She ordered a few blood tests, asked me some questions about his behaviors at home, and then spent some time asking Travin things and evaluating what he was doing. After about 40 minutes or so, she looked at me and said that she wanted to refer me out to a clinical psychologist. She felt that I should see someone who could work with us on finding out the answers for his behavioral issues. She told me that she has worked with children a long time and that she was pretty sure that Travin had ADHD. She wanted to have him further evaluated before she actually diagnosed him. I have to say that I was in a state of complete shock. That honestly was the last thing that crossed my mind. I know that my son has a lot of energy (he is constantly on the go). I know that at times my son has a short attention span but after all he is only 4! I just could not wrap my brain around what she was saying. The more and more she talked to me, the more I started to question things. She really had me convinced that this could be possible. She referred us out to see a few different doctors and then asked us to come back for a follow up in a week for his blood work. That day after we left the doctor’s office, I went home and did some research on my own. We touched on ADHD in one of my classes so I am familiar with it but I can’t say that I’m an expert. I had a lot of questions running through my head. By the following week, my head was spinning with information. I read articles from every site I could find. I talked to some of my family members about what was going on. I watched my son closely trying to find the signs. I didn’t see any. I couldn’t find any indication that could link Travin to having ADHD. I was confused and stressed out. I spent a lot of time crying. I had a doctor telling me that something was wrong with my son. She didn’t want to label him just yet but she was pretty sure she knew what was wrong with him and she felt that medication was in his future.

At his last appointment, we went over blood work. Everything came back normal. As she was typing information into the computer I was watching my son. He was up on the table playing with his car. He was pushing it around and making car noises. She proceeded to tell me once again that my son needs help and that she was going to get it for him. She promised me that once I started him in therapy, I would see a dramatic change in him and it would all be worth it because when he is 7 or 8, he won’t have any problems. Seriously, what kid doesn’t have problems? Isn’t that a part of life? I asked the doctor how she came up with the idea that my son had ADHD because I just couldn’t see it. I explained how my son will sit and do a 150 piece puzzle all by himself and how hard he concentrates to stay inside the lines when he colors. A child with ADHD would not be able to perform these tasks. Once again, I know he is full of energy and always on the move. If he really enjoys an activity, he can sit however long it takes to finish what he is doing. I told her that if something was wrong with my son I could accept it. As his mom, I will do whatever I need to do to help him but this just didn’t feel right to me. I know he has problems. This was exactly why I reached out for help because something is wrong and I don’t know how to fix it. As his mother, I don’t see this being the reason behind his issues. I would think that as a parent if something was wrong with my child, I would know deep down inside. I would feel it! She never really responded to any of what I had to say. By the time I left the doctor’s office she had us scheduled to see 7 different doctors. I was so upset when I walked out of there that I couldn’t stop crying. She was so adamant that this was what was wrong with him because of him not being able to control his anger.

Our next appointment that day was with a speech therapist. I was okay with taking Trav to see a speech therapist. He was in speech during his time in preschool. His speech isn’t perfect but it has gotten a lot better over the past year. When we left his preschool class, the report I got stated that if I wanted to continue services I was free to do so but that Travin really didn’t need them. He had progressed well over the year. The speech therapist that we saw said the same thing. She recommended I bring him in basically to help him fine tune some of his sounds but that most of what he needed help with was developmental and would come over the next year. We talked a little bit about what was going on with Travin. She said that she could see how his attention span was short but that it wasn’t abnormal behavior for a child this age especially a boy. She said that kindergarten could be a little bit of a challenge at first just because of the amount of time they have to sit but that he would more than likely adjust just fine.

When I got home that afternoon, I had 7 messages on my answering machine from 7 different doctor’s wanting to set up appointments to see my son. I called Jason to fill him in. My emotions had taken over this entire day so of course I was in tears. I have to say, my husband is the BEST!! He has always been able to keep me calm and sensible. He told me to take a deep breath. He said that everything that was going on was ridiculous. There was no reason for me to be as upset as I was. There was no reason to even think about putting our son through any of what they were suggesting. Our son is fine and that doctor could just shove it. Okay so he might have used different words but basically this is what it came down to. We made the decision that night to put a stop to the insanity that had consumed our week. Our son was about to start his first day of kindergarten and that became our priority.

I have to say that once that happened, I was able to gain a little clarity. I was able to take a step back and examine the whole situation. The truth is I have a pretty amazing little boy. Yes he is bursting at the seams with energy most of the day and no he doesn’t always like to sit still but that’s how he has been since he came into this world. Sometimes he makes me cry but most of the time he makes me laugh. He wakes me up way to early in the morning because he’s hungry but at the end of the night when he places his head on my shoulder and twirls my hair like he’s done ever since he was baby, he makes me feel like the most important person in the world. The more and more I went over all of it in my head the more stupid I felt. I couldn’t believe I had let myself get so wrapped up in all of the emotions. I had to tell myself that his little world has been completely flipped upside down. We moved out of our home where we had lived his whole life at the end of April and up until about a month ago, he hadn’t really had a constant in his life. First he lost his room and his toys. Then he had to say goodbye to his school, his friends, and his family. Everything that he had ever known was taken away from him in the blink of an eye. That’s a lot to handle especially for a child. I started thinking back to when Bryanna and Kalyssa first started kindergarten. Where they started the year and where they ended the year are two complete different places. They both grew in more ways than I could have ever imagined. The girls had one advantage over Travin when they started kindergarten. On their first day of school, they were among the older group of children. Travin has always been one of the younger students in his class. I have learned that this age difference is actually a huge advantage to have especially in kindergarten.

My son is 4 years old. He is just beginning his journey. Deep down inside, I know it’s going to be an amazing journey. He is smart, outgoing, and funny. He has always loved to tackle a new task. Are we going to have problems? ABSOULTELY! It wouldn’t be life if we didn’t have problems to deal with. No matter what happens, Travin is my son!! I will be here for him every step of the way and I will do everything I possibly can to help get him through everything he is going to face.

Getting back to the book that brought out all of these thoughts and feelings, “It’s Hard to be Five”is so very true. In an instant society expects our children to grow up and be big. They are supposed be proper by always doing the right thing and always saying the right words but we are forgetting that they are just kids. As kids, they are supposed to want to play and run and laugh all the time. They are supposed make messes and get dirty. They are supposed make mistakes and then learn from them. They are not always going to listen and follow exact directions the way would like them too. After all, this is what childhood is all about. I know when I look back on my childhood, the memories I treasure are the ones spent being a kid not the ones where I had to act like a grown-up.

I know that I am not alone with my struggles so, I am attaching a link that was sent to me by one of my favorite people in the world! I hope this helps others the way that it helped me. We are so blessed to have a supportive family who loves our family of five more than life itself. Thank you to all of you who helped guide us in the right direction over the past few weeks and for loving us and always standing by us.

This is my favorite quote in the book:

"At five I can lie down alone in my bed and dream of my past and my future ahead. And when I mess up or do right, it's a start, cause I have my own mind and I have my own heart"

Here is the link:

http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/198077.php