A Little Dose of Reality

I’m sitting at home today with my oldest daughter because once again these dang germs WON’T stop invading our family. My house is clean, dinner is in the crock pot and all of my laundry is caught up. So, what do I do? I blog :-)


My mind has been whirling in circles the past few days. Over the weekend, Jason and I started talking about the holidays. Halloween is only 5 days away which means that Thanksgiving and Christmas are patiently waiting to make their annual appearance. This is usually my favorite time of the year. I love the change in the weather. I love to be able to get together with family and friends. I love to decorate our house for each of the different holidays (of course Christmas is my absolute favorite). This year the holidays will be a little different for our family. We won’t be having our typical massive family get-togethers; however we will be having some special guests in our new home for Thanksgiving and for Christmas. I’m sure I will have plenty to share about these visits when the time comes!


This year we will be celebrating Christmas twice, once with daddy and once without. In just over a month, Jason will be deploying to Iraq. This will be our second Christmas apart since he joined the military. I have to say that we have been very fortunate as a military family. In January, Jason will hit his 12 year mark. WOW, that's a little hard to believe!! In those 12 years, our family will have only been separated twice. For a lot of military families, this is almost unheard of. We have been extremely blessed to have had our family complete and together especially during the past 9 years.


While we were talking about the holidays, Jason asked me what I wanted for Christmas. He usually starts asking questions around this time of year. I think he likes to get a head start because apparently I’m hard to buy for (I don’t see how this is possible) :-) I told him that there isn’t anything that I really want for myself this year because honestly I’d rather save the money to do something special when he gets home from deployment. He told me that there was one thing that he wanted to get me before he left. When I asked him what, he said a chain so that I can wear his wedding ring around my neck while he is gone. First let me just say that I am semi new to the world of deployment. I have watched loved ones leave. I have welcomed loved ones home. I have done my best to be there for my family and friends as they have had to say their goodbyes. Truth be told, this is new territory for me. I have only had to say goodbye to my husband once and that was 9 years ago. When he said those words to me, my stomach dropped. I could feel my eyes start to burn. The reality of my husband leaving our family really hit me for the first time. I looked at my wedding ring and then I looked at his. He hates to take his off even though his job requires him to remove it every day. He told me that he doesn’t want to take it with him and that he would really like me to wear it while he is gone. My thoughts immediately flashed to our very best friends Kristin and Erik (who in my eyes represent the true meaning of a military family). I remember watching Kristin shortly after Erik deployed to Iraq. This was right after September 11th. She had his ring safely around her neck. She guarded it with everything she had. I remember sitting with her on several occasions during that deployment with tears in our eyes because we were all so scared then. I remember watching Kristin hold Erik’s ring close to heart every single day. I knew that all she could think about was her husband’s safe return home.


I know that things are different now. I don’t have to worry about the things that Kristin had to worry about. I know why Jason is going to Iraq. His mission is different. I would be lying if I said that I wasn’t scared because I am. More than anything, I am sad. I am sad that he will be missing out on so many things with the kids. I am sad that the kids won’t be able to run up to him every day when he walks through the door. I am sad that he won’t be here to say goodnight and tuck them into bed. I am sad that he will miss family dinners and our family walks at night. I am sad that he will miss Bryanna’s 5th grade promotion ceremony and Travin’s kindergarten graduation. I am sad that he will miss Kalyssa turning 7 in March. I know that I could keep going. I’m sure this list would be endless.


Last night, I was curled up in bed reading. Jason was lying next to me sound asleep. This has always been one of my favorite moments. I have always felt so safe and so warm just having him next to me. For the first time in a long time, I wondered what it will be like without him. I don’t think about my days because unless I have a sick kid at home, I usually don’t have a moment to just sit and do nothing. But, what exactly will happen at night when he is not here? 

Over the past few weeks, I have heard all about different types of training events, pre-deployment briefings, and I have had to look at bags full of newly issued deployment gear. I have let things slowly sink in but for some reason when Jason asked me to wear his ring around my neck, reality became all too real.