Recapturing The Christmas Spirit

Christmas Eve….


This is usually my absolute favorite time of the year. Christmas has always been so magical for me. I LOVE Christmas. I love everything about it. I love decorating, baking, and wrapping presents. I love listening to Christmas songs all month long. I love to drive around different neighborhoods with the kids just to look at Christmas lights. I love being able to spend time with my family and friends. I look forward to attending Christmas mass.

This year, things have been so different. Somehow the Christmas spirit passed me by. I am that crazy girl that usually has her Christmas cards in the mail on December 1st. Gifts are usually wrapped and waiting under the tree by the end of the first week in December. The kids and I usually spend a full weekend baking and decorating cookies for all of our friends. We barely made it to the post office this past week and we are still working on Christmas gifts. This is the first year that we didn’t pull out all of our decorations.

I know that I have so much to be thankful for. Jason is home with us for Christmas. We get to celebrate the holidays in our beautiful home with our children and my parents. I am so grateful for all of these things and so much more.

I didn’t realize how much my spirit has been broken down this holiday season until last night. My daughter (who shares my love for this time of year) came up to me with a huge smile on her face and explained how excited she was about it being Christmas Eve. She doesn’t care so much about the presents under the tree, she is just happy to have her family here. She said “Mommy I’m sorry you are sad but you have us here with you always. You said I would be your wing girl when Daddy is gone and I will help you. Grandma would want you to be happy on Christmas” How exactly does my 10 year old know so much about the world around her?

I haven’t shared too much about my Grandma. I’m sure that there will be something a little later on to read about her, my thoughts are swirling at the moment. I will share that she is not doing well at all. Hospice was brought in this past week and it was decided last night that the time has come to just let her go. She has been pulled off of all of her medications and as of right now they are keeping her as comfortable as possible. Those of you who have had the honor of knowing my grandmother know how unique she is. She is one of the most amazing women I have ever met. She is a fighter. She is the strongest person I have ever met. I was lucky enough to have a very special relationship with my grandma. I miss her everyday and I am so sad that I can’t be there by her side today.

I went to bed last night with a broken spirit and a heavy heart. I tossed and turned for a long time. My thoughts were focused on my Grandma. I’m not sure what happened but I realized that Bryanna was right. My grandma would be so mad at me if I spent my Christmas upset or in her words "sulking". My grandma was the one who always made sure that the children in her family had something to look forward too. She never let anything get her down especially when it came to her children, her grandchildren, and her great grandchildren. She always moved forward. She kept her head held high and a smile on her face so that her loved ones would know that everything was going to be okay. My grandma bared the weight of the world for her family. Today, it is my turn. I have three children, a husband, and my parent’s home for Christmas. They deserve to have a beautiful Christmas. I never want my children to look back on this holiday with bad memories. My grandma would never have allowed that to happen and neither will I.

Merry Christmas Eve!!!