{The Ugly Truth}

So you say you want to know? Well this is what I have to say.



One of the many faults on the long list of qualities that makes me the person I am is keeping things bottled up. Here’s the problem with having this trait, after years of build up, one wrong thing will set me off. For years, I sat back and never said a word. I listened to what others said, I saw what others did, and I never once said a word. I don't always agree with the choices people make but, I learned along time ago not to place judgement on anyone. When others took it upon themselves to take advantage of me, to purposely hurt me, and to talk about me behind me back, I just sat and did nothing. Why? I don’t know if I have an exact answer but, if I had to take a guess I would say it’s because I am not a fan of confrontation. I’m not a fighter. I don’t go out of my way to hurt others. I don’t look for others to use them as scapegoats. I don’t hold grudges. I don’t even like the word revenge. What exact purpose does it serve to “get back” at someone?


Before you say something like “she’s” having a bad day or bad week or before you put it in your head that I’m some neurotic military spouse who can’t handle life because “her” husband is deployed, let me clarify that I’m not. I will say that a lot has changed for me. When Jason left something happened. Among the many changes that have taken place, I had to learn to stand on my own two feet. I had to learn how to stand up for myself. For the most part I keep myself pretty calm. Yes I vent and yes I cry but, when you cross the line and throw my husband or my children into the mix, I will snap and I will protect them.


I don’t by any means consider myself to be the world’s greatest parent and I know that I am speaking for Jason on this one but, I’m pretty sure that he feels the same way. We do the best that we can and we do things the way we feel is right for our family. I don’t think we have done a bad job raising our children so far and to tell you the truth, I am very proud of the family we have. We aren’t a perfect family. If anything we have mastered the imperfect family life. We actually like the fact that we are imperfectly perfect. Unless you were given the title “Holy Family”, your job isn’t to be perfect and you have no right to place yourself in that category. So, if you want to question the way Jason and I raise our children please do me the favor and at least do it to my face or pick up the phone because I will gladly have that conversation with anyone at anytime.


I know that I am not the best at picking up the phone. These days, it’s much worse because I do wait for that one phone call that I might get from my husband. I’ve learned that whether it’s a quick “I love you” or a real 20 minute phone conversation, I look forward to just hearing his voice. However, I do my best to keep my family and friends as informed as I possibly can. The whole reason for our family blog was to keep everyone informed on our crazy life. I realize that most of the emails that I send out are mass messages but, this is the best way for me to keep everyone up to date. There have been several times that I have made phone calls or sent personal messages just to say “I love and miss you” or just to let you know that I was thinking about you. Not for anything specific, simply just because. I won’t say that they go unnoticed but if I don’t get a response back I understand that life can just be busy. One thing that does bother me is the fact that there are those individuals out there who only want to be a part of my life when something just happens to be “wrong”. There is a difference between being supportive and just being plain nosey. It’s been my experience that when you have a relationship with someone, you want to know about the significant, the insignificant, the good, and the bad. You want to chat via phone or messages here and there just because. Once again, not for anything specific, simply just because.


I think that it’s important for me to say that I know a lot more than anyone probably thinks I do. I know the many things that have been said in “confidence” throughout the years. Things always have a way of slipping out. This probably clarifies some answers as to why I don’t talk to others much about myself. This is where a lot of my build up comes from. I have heard things for years and I have never said anything. Before this, I would cry to my husband or to my best friend but I’m at the point now where I have had enough. It takes a lot to break through these walls but, I will say that once I’ve been pushed too far (little or big), I will break.


If you were to ask my children what our golden rule is in our house, all three of them would have the same answer for you; “Treat Others As You Wish To Be Treated”.


This is a big rule, not only in our home but in our lives. I have always told my kids that they don’t have the right to treat others badly. They don’t have the right to make others feel bad about themselves. They don’t have the right to talk down to others or talk bad about others. In turn, no one has the right to do these things to them. Why? My answer is simple. I don’t care where you have been or what you have experienced, no one is better than anyone else and no one deserves to feel like they are less of a person because you want to feel better about yourself. Yes I have been asked more than once and yes we have had the “bad people” conversation.


I know that I have A LOT to learn in my lifetime. Call me crazy but I actually like the fact that every day is a learning journey for me. I just don’t understand why there are people out there who say the things that they say and who do the things that they do.


I promised myself that I wasn’t going to be negative. Life keeps throwing me curve balls but I know what I have to do. So this is it. This is me, it’s just a small part of me but nonetheless, it’s still a part the makes the whole me.