{Post Deployment}

It’s quite ironic how much life can change in a matter of a few months. When Jason deployed I thought that I would be completely overwhelmed with kids, schedules, and just plain life. Although it was tough and yes a little overwhelming at times to be without my partner in crime, I was able to barrel my way through it. Somehow we managed to make it on time to every school event, every practice, and every game. I didn’t always have make-up on, most of the time my hair was flung up in a messy ponytail but, the kid’s clothes matched, their shoes were on the right feet, and most importantly, they were clean and fed. We stayed consistent with what we did and how we did things and for the most part it worked out pretty dang well and like I said, my kids were clean and fed...enough said...right?!?! =)

I try to look back at that time just to remember how we got through it all. I know I have a birthday coming up soon and all but I really don’t think my mind should be that far gone...just yet. Maybe it’s the fact that everything is literally one big pile of BLUR! I truly have no clue as to how I did it, I guess I just did.

So, here we are today. 

~Post Deployment~

Can I even call it that anymore? Jason has been home for over 2 months now. There are a lot of things that can happen during the deployment process that people don't warn you about. There are so many resources out there to fill one in on how hard the transition is before and during the deployment but what about after? There were things that made me feel as if something was truly wrong with me. There were things that made me feel lost and scared, lonely and worried. It wasn't until I found some resources on my own that I realized that I'm not crazy and that these things are bound to happen when two people are put through the stresses of a deployment.

It’s a little weird these days because he’s here but then again he really isn't. It’s quite interesting the changes that take place when your husband becomes Big Boss Man of a main shop. I’m sure most of you can guess what it all entails especially the longer hours and carrying the weight of everyone else’s issues. Why? Well, simply because it’s his a** that’s on the line, not anyone else’s. For those of you who know Jason, you know that he doesn't take much (anything) from others. He will stand up for himself and the things that he believes in. He won’t let other’s walk all over him or take advantage of him. Best of all, he doesn't play off of the political card that is often dealt to him. These are all things that I admire about my husband because a lot of people can’t or won’t do that (no finger pointing allowed). It’s been pretty amazing to watch Jason grow in his career throughout the past 13 years. I've seen some pretty shady things happen to a lot of people including Jason. One trait that makes me so proud to stand beside my Boss Man is the fact that he respects his troops. He will do whatever he can to make sure that they as well as their families are taken care of first.

With all of that being said, he does his job well and he does it right. So, it’s no surprise that the demands have come down with full force and that ever so famous level of expectation has been raised. I am confident in my husband’s abilities. I know what he is capable of doing. So I know that he will do what needs to get done. However, sometimes it’s hard to not be a little selfish. Sometimes it’s hard to not be that wife who just wants to spend a little time with her husband. Sometimes it’s hard to want to ask for more than what is given. I do understand that he has a job to do. Watching him is actually quite heart breaking because he is constantly being pulled in different directions. He tries really hard to make sure that he doesn’t miss out on the important things when it comes to the kids even if that means working different hours, showing up late to games in uniform, or waiting until 8 or 9 o’clock at night to eat dinner so that he can be at a soccer practice or a t-ball game.

I don’t exactly know what my expectations were when he got back or even if I had any because my focus was just to have him back home. I’m sure somewhere in the back of my mind I envisioned this little slice of perfection landing right in the middle of my living room floor. Somehow I just knew that everything would go back to normal as soon as he walked through the door. Our routine would pick up right where it left off, the kids would go back to being the kids we had before he left, and I would have that extra 50,000 pound sack lifted off of my shoulders.

However...

Life always has a way of paving curves in the road and honestly, we are in the midst of trying to figure out which way to turn next.

Life is a journey full of new learning adventures.

As for this new adventure of ours, I am learning that post deployment or not, routines will constantly change because kids have a way of keeping you on your toes. Kids should never have to go backwards because they have so much growing to do.

As far as that 50,000 pound sack...the weight is still there. But, I think that’s just an added accessory that comes along with that special badge the moment one becomes a mommy.