{A Thought Or...Two}

I thought I would take a few moments to reflect upon a recent post. Before I do, I want to express how grateful I am to have so many loving, caring, and wonderful people in my life. I don’t think that I can ever say this enough.



As most you know, last week wasn’t the best week nor was it my finest moment in life. When I went back and re-read my post, I realized that I probably shouldn’t have bluntly expressed so much of my troubles. I realize that with just one click, anyone can read the things that I have to share. Ironically enough, that isn’t what bothers me. What bothered me the most was the fact that Jason read what I was feeling. I know that he will read this and that’s okay because everything I am about share, he already knows.


One of the hardest lessons I am trying to learn right now is how to draw a line between what I can and can’t share with My Jay while he is away. Jason is the one person that I can talk to about anything. He knows every flaw, every fear, every hidden message there is to know about me. He can look at me and know what I am thinking. He can hear my voice and know whether I am having a good day or a bad day. There isn’t much I can hide from My Jay. This might seem weird to some of you, but I feel very fortunate to have married my best friend.


I haven’t quite figured out how to separate my feelings and my actions. Mind you, he isn’t much help in this department either. He knows what he has to say or do to get me to talk and I think he uses this against me =) There are so many times in the past 5 (almost 6 weeks) that I have felt like such a horrible wife for being the way that I am. I tell myself to not say too much because he has enough to worry about. There is no reason for him to worry about how I am holding up. I look at other military spouses in my life and I think how do they do it? They are so strong and they all have it so together. I must seem like the most unstable military wife out there! I swear I’m not all that bad. I have my moments but really and truly, I get up every morning and move forward accomplishing the things I set out to do. Some days are not as successful as others but at the end of the day, the four of us can look at each other with smiles on our faces before we head off to bed.


My bloggy bestie (whom holds a very special place in my heart) wrote something the other day about her worst deployment experience. I read her post and the waterworks performance took over. I know I know this isn’t exactly a shock me crying and all. The one thing that ran through my mind after I read her post, was how amazing she is. I admire the woman she is. She served our country and now stands proudly next to her husband as he finishes up his military career. She is a wonderful mommy and now she is pursuing a degree in education (a girl after my own heart). She truly is a remarkable person and I am so honored to be a part of her life.


This is my favorite quote from her worst deployment post:


And before you think "Is there such a thing as a good deployment?”, I want to say no, I don't think there is. But there are deployments that are higher on the crap-meter than others.


I realize that this is my first official deployment so I really have nothing to compare it to on the crap-meter. I guess for now, we will put this one on the bottom. Not because it’s horrible but because it’s a deployment and it simply sucks!


Now that I have had time to process some things, here is my thought on this whole situation.


I know that I’m lucky. Jason and I will be celebrating our 12 year anniversary this month and this will only be the second time we have been apart from each other on our anniversary. My husband has not had to deploy as often as others. In his 12 years of service he has been on one remote assignment (1 year in Korea), a handful of TDY’s, and so far this deployment. Add that up and we have probably been separated for a total of 2 years in the past 12 years. However, life isn’t any easier. I honestly don’t care what branch your spouse is in, separation sucks no matter how you look at. And news flash, when you have children, the separation is that much harder. All jokes aside, there isn’t a “better” branch. I know when I say I support our troops, I mean ALL of our troops. No spouse is better because of what branch they happen to serve in and those of you who think that seriously need to get over yourselves!


I am not looking for sympathy by any means. In a way I’m glad that I bluntly expressed myself. I am learning that sometimes the words that others have to share often helps others get them through their rough patches. I experienced a little tumble and it took a few people to help me understand that bad days are going to happen. I am after all just an ordinary girl with feelings just like everyone else.


Another wise quite from my bloggy bestie:


So all my milspouses - be helpful, not hurtful. Think before you speak because you never know where that other person really is. Be there for each other - always. But most of all, never forget your worse deployment because it will help be better friends to each other.