{Little Hands...Big Hearts}

I realized the other day as I sat down to write an email that something has been weighing on my heart. There are so many things that others don’t see. There are many things that others can’t quite understand.



Over the past 3 months, I have had to watch my daughter grow up. It’s hard enough to watch her begin her transformation into a young lady but watching her grow emotionally is something completely different. This deployment has changed my little girl. In the past 3 months, she has gone from being a carefree child to bearing the weight of life’s troubles on her shoulders. I can’t even begin to explain how much this hurts me. The last thing I ever wanted for my children is for them to grow up before their time. Life moves fast enough. Jason and I have been so adamant about allowing our kids to just be kids. Most call us crazy for our rules but we truly have never let others opinions bother us because like I said life moves fast enough.


I wasn’t prepared for what this deployment was going to do to my daughter. Saying goodbye to her daddy caused her to shed a layer of her childhood. Somewhere in between leaving the airport the morning of daddy’s departure and heading home, my little girl felt that she had to grow up and be strong for our family.


I didn’t catch it right away. I can only assume that it was because of all of the different emotions that were running through all of us at the time. As the days went on, I noticed little things here and there. My daughter does her best to never leave my side. She always wants to be with me. She always wants to make sure that I am okay.


There have been so many times that I held everything in until I knew she was sound asleep. It was then that I would lock myself in my bathroom and just let myself cry. I don’t like to hide things from my children but I do believe that they should be shielded from a lot of things. They shouldn’t have to bear my emotions or the weight of my feelings by any means.


As you can well imagine, so many questions have come up over the past few months. Some questions are relatively light while others hit hard. Sometimes I don’t always have the right answers and all I can hope is that I am providing the comfort and support my kids need exactly when they need it.


I can’t say that I know a whole lot because honestly it really doesn’t matter that I have been a military spouse for over 12 years. Every single day brings forth a new journey. There isn’t a day that has gone by that I haven’t learned something new. Life is always throwing curve balls. Each day I am faced with decisions and challenges. Some days are easier than others and some days I truly want to pull the covers over my head and disappear. However, under the daily stresses and the unknown answers, my days usually end with smiles and giggles and that is exactly why I have the strength that I do.


For many years, the month of April has been dedicated to military children all around the world. There are so many things that make military children unique. The qualities that military children possess often cause them to stand out among their peers but it is those same qualities that also help them shine brighter than the most dazzling star in the dark night sky.


I have never taken the time to ask my kids what being a military child means to them. A discussion came up the other day that made me ask this question. I am always amazed at how children view the world around them.


Travin:


“My Daddy gets to hold the American Flag. He makes it strong. He works on Mommy what is the other word for cars? Yeah vehicles! We need those to keep us safe and that’s why he’s in Afghanistan”


Kalyssa:


“I like being a military kid because everything daddy does is important. That makes me important. Daddy is special to our world right mommy? Because he keeps everyone safe. I hope daddy knows that he is special because I love him a lot!”


Bryanna:


“I didn’t know how hard it was to be a military kid until we moved here. It was really hard to say bye to my friends and our family but then we got here and I made new friends. I miss everyone in California. I am so glad that I have a computer and my phone. I think it’s pretty cool that we have been able to see different places. The hardest part of daddy being in the military is having to say goodbye to him. I feel like I don’t get to see him that much. I can’t wait to have our family vacation where we can all be together. I know that daddy’s job is important. When I think about him, I know that he has it really hard and I feel bad for him. We have each other mom and daddy is over there without any of us. I know we have to be strong for him. I just can’t wait for him to be home.”


Did I mention that I am always learning something new?


My children never cease to amaze me. It is moments like these when I am reminded to stop, take a deep breath, and truly take a look at the world through the eyes of a child.