Dear Friends

I started this blog for many reasons. In the beginning, it was a way for me to be able to share a piece of our lives with our family and friends. As time went on, it became a form of communication for me. I have come to realize that maybe I was mistaken.


Let me just begin by expressing to all of you that my friends hold a special place in my heart. I am the type of person that loves with all of my heart. Jason has told me so many times that one of my faults is one of the things that he loves so much about me. I care so much about the people in my life; sometimes too much. Once I let you in, I don’t know how to let go.

I have never been one to talk on the phone much. Since we have moved to Louisiana my time on the phone has been less than ever. Please understand that just because I don’t pick up the phone on a weekly basis doesn’t mean that I don’t think about you or that I don’t miss you because I do. I am a very lucky girl. I literally have the greatest friends and the best family in the world. You all have expressed your love not only for me but for my family in so many ways and I want you to know that everything that you say and everything that you do means the world to me. I would not be where I am today without each and every one of you.

I am sorry if I have hurt any of you. I’m sorry if any of you feel that I did not provide my support to you. It has never been my intention to hurt anyone. That is the last thing I would ever want to do. You all mean so much to me and if you feel that I have not been there for you in any way please let me know. I will do whatever I can to fix it.

Moving here has taken its toll. I am still trying to find my place. I keep myself very busy with my kids, so busy that there are nights that I don’t go to bed until after midnight because I am working on things for the teachers. I am getting ready to go back to school to finish up my certification and to start working towards my Master’s Degree. These are the things that keep me going right now. I have never been good at reaching out to others. I don’t exactly broadcast my problems. I never have. The only person in my life that knows everything about me is not here now. I guess you can understand now why he is my rock.

I am learning. This deployment has already taught me a few things. I can’t make any promises today because my emotions are just completely out of whack but I can tell you that I will try harder. You are all worth it to me and to my family. So I will try harder.

24 Hours Down

We are 24 hours into our first deployment and I can honestly tell you that they SUCK!!! Yesterday was a long day for all of us. We all got up at 5 am. We talked to the kids about going to the airport and they were all pretty adamant about going. We bundled up and headed for the airport around 6. Jason deployed with 3 other guys from his squadron. They were briefed and checked in. Due to that fact that the guys were in uniform, family members were given special boarding passes that allowed us to walk Jason to his gate. We were able to stay with him until he boarded his plane. This was really nice for all of us. We got a little extra time together even if we were sitting in an airport terminal.

Saying goodbye was really rough. As the wife, I wanted to be strong for Jason. As the parent, I wanted to stay strong for my kids. I failed in both departments. I think everyone who knows me knows that I am an extremely emotional person. I held it together better than I expected but I couldn’t stop my tears from flowing. Jason slid his wedding ring off his finger and placed it in the palm of my hand. He asked me to keep his egg shaped ring safe =) The girls climbed into his lap and just held onto him. Trav hugged and kissed daddy. Jason hugged my dad and then turned to me. I hugged My Jay one last time. I wish I could have expressed to him just how much I love him and how much he means to me and to our family.

We watched Jason climb the steps of the plane that would fly him to Dallas. I stood at the window with my three beautiful babies. I held them tight and I just let them cry. We walked out of the airport holding each other a little tighter. Daddy sent Bryanna a text message telling her how much he loved her and to give mommy a hug from him. He sent me a text message to tell me that he loves me. Technology is amazing!


I am so grateful that my parents are here. When we walked out of the airport, my mom was waiting with open arms. She held us all and just let us cry. We went out to breakfast. It was our first meal without daddy. Bryanna order a side of bacon in his honor =)

Jason kept in contact with us throughout the day. He called us when he landed in Dallas. From Dallas he boarded a plane to Baltimore. Once he got into Baltimore, he was able to log onto his Skype account. The kids got to chat with him for a little bit. Once again, technology is AMAZING!!! Jason was supposed to leave Baltimore at around 1:30 am his time for Germany but, the flight was delayed 24 hours. He called us last night to say goodnight to the kids. He was waiting to get his bags checked in. Once he got through the horrendous line, he was being transported to a local hotel for the night.

The kids were sad after they talked to daddy on the phone last night. They miss him so much! We all do! We had a long talk last night. I told them that it was okay for them to cry and it was okay for them to be sad and even mad. I told them that I want them to get their feelings out and that it is important for them to share their feelings with me. Bryanna asked me why it hurt so much. I told her that we are a very lucky family. We are so close and we share so much. We do everything together so when one of us is missing, it hurts. Kalyssa was in tears pretty much the whole day. Jason told me yesterday that he didn’t expect the emotions from Kalyssa. I think I did. Kalyssa is a daddy’s girl. She’s a mommy’s girl too but her daddy is her world. I realized yesterday that she couldn’t grasp what was going on until it actually happened. The only thing that is in her mind right now is that daddy is going to be gone for a long time. Travin is definitely feeling the effects but I don’t think he quite understands just yet. He’s been that best a providing mommy and his sisters with hugs over the past 24 hours. Last night the four of us (and Millie) had a sleepover. We cuddled together in a bed that wasn’t exactly made for three kids, a dog, and a mommy but, I have to say that it was nice to wake up to little arms wrapped around me this morning.

We started the brainstorming process. We are coming up with several ideas on how to celebrate each week that goes by because after all, each week that goes by is one week closer to daddy coming home!

Christmas Traditions

I realized as I started browsing through pictures that we have created some pretty remarkable traditions with our family of 5. Jason was never really big on the holiday season. After we got married, he promised me that our holidays would always be like the ones I had growing up. Once we had our children, he wanted to give them the same magical moments that I had growing up. He has always kept his promises to me!

This is the first year in 10 years that we have not celebrated Christmas at my mom and dad’s house. It was a little bittersweet. I missed the tradition of being at my parent’s home. I missed spending time with our family and our closest friends. I missed watching all of the kids running around all over the place playing and sharing secrets. But, I love that we got to spend Christmas together in our new home. We started a bit of a new tradition this year. I’m not sure how long it will last but, for this one year it worked out the way that it was supposed to.

Here are some of the traditions that we carried into our home this year as we celebrated our very first Christmas in Louisiana.  

Baking Cookies

We couldn’t leave out Santa!! Every year he leaves the kids a special note letting them know how tasty their sugar cookies are.

 Making the ever so famous Pizza Bread

Every year, we roll out at least 6 loaves of bread dough for the famous Fazzino pizza bread. This year, Bryanna got her first annual lesson in making the delicious bread. Luckily, she only had to assist daddy with three loaves; however now that she has received her first lesson, she is required to be a part of the tradition every year.  

 

 Reading the Christmas story

When Bryanna was a baby, our Great Aunt Cindy introduced us to a special holiday tradition. On Christmas Eve her family would gather around the Christmas tree for a special Christmas story with a cup of hot cocoa. We carried on that tradition with our kids. This year, Daddy read a couple of Cajun Christmas stories to help us prepare for our first Christmas in Louisiana.   

Opening 1 gift on Christmas Eve
The kids usually get to open presents from our friends on Christmas Eve. This year we had to change things up a little bit. Luckily, Aunt Kris and Uncle Brian did some shopping before they left Italy. Their box arrived on Christmas Eve; just in time for these little hands to open.

Preparing for Santa

Santa and his reindeer always have a special surprise waiting for them whenever they come to visit the Mall children. Every year the kids make Santa a special thank you card. Santa gets to refuel his energy with cookies and milk while the reindeer get to munch on carrots and a special bag of reindeer food.

 "The children were nestled all snug in their beds, while visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads"
After tracking Santa ALL day, he finally made his way into Louisiana.

~Merry Christmas~

It's a pillow. It's a pet. IT'S A PILLOW PET!

 A special gift for Grammy & Grampy

 YAY for Skype :-)

Millie was a good girl too!

Bryanna got a special call on her new cell phone :-)

 I got an Angels Snuggie :-)

We hope your Christmas was as wonderful as ours!!

Recapturing The Christmas Spirit

Christmas Eve….


This is usually my absolute favorite time of the year. Christmas has always been so magical for me. I LOVE Christmas. I love everything about it. I love decorating, baking, and wrapping presents. I love listening to Christmas songs all month long. I love to drive around different neighborhoods with the kids just to look at Christmas lights. I love being able to spend time with my family and friends. I look forward to attending Christmas mass.

This year, things have been so different. Somehow the Christmas spirit passed me by. I am that crazy girl that usually has her Christmas cards in the mail on December 1st. Gifts are usually wrapped and waiting under the tree by the end of the first week in December. The kids and I usually spend a full weekend baking and decorating cookies for all of our friends. We barely made it to the post office this past week and we are still working on Christmas gifts. This is the first year that we didn’t pull out all of our decorations.

I know that I have so much to be thankful for. Jason is home with us for Christmas. We get to celebrate the holidays in our beautiful home with our children and my parents. I am so grateful for all of these things and so much more.

I didn’t realize how much my spirit has been broken down this holiday season until last night. My daughter (who shares my love for this time of year) came up to me with a huge smile on her face and explained how excited she was about it being Christmas Eve. She doesn’t care so much about the presents under the tree, she is just happy to have her family here. She said “Mommy I’m sorry you are sad but you have us here with you always. You said I would be your wing girl when Daddy is gone and I will help you. Grandma would want you to be happy on Christmas” How exactly does my 10 year old know so much about the world around her?

I haven’t shared too much about my Grandma. I’m sure that there will be something a little later on to read about her, my thoughts are swirling at the moment. I will share that she is not doing well at all. Hospice was brought in this past week and it was decided last night that the time has come to just let her go. She has been pulled off of all of her medications and as of right now they are keeping her as comfortable as possible. Those of you who have had the honor of knowing my grandmother know how unique she is. She is one of the most amazing women I have ever met. She is a fighter. She is the strongest person I have ever met. I was lucky enough to have a very special relationship with my grandma. I miss her everyday and I am so sad that I can’t be there by her side today.

I went to bed last night with a broken spirit and a heavy heart. I tossed and turned for a long time. My thoughts were focused on my Grandma. I’m not sure what happened but I realized that Bryanna was right. My grandma would be so mad at me if I spent my Christmas upset or in her words "sulking". My grandma was the one who always made sure that the children in her family had something to look forward too. She never let anything get her down especially when it came to her children, her grandchildren, and her great grandchildren. She always moved forward. She kept her head held high and a smile on her face so that her loved ones would know that everything was going to be okay. My grandma bared the weight of the world for her family. Today, it is my turn. I have three children, a husband, and my parent’s home for Christmas. They deserve to have a beautiful Christmas. I never want my children to look back on this holiday with bad memories. My grandma would never have allowed that to happen and neither will I.

Merry Christmas Eve!!!

Embrace the Camera: Merry Christmas

We will be spending the next few days embracing the man in the blue suit :-) On the 27th Jason will board a plane to Afghanistan. In case we don't make it on here, we wish you all a very Merry Christmas. 

The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a happy family all wrapped up in each other.
~ Burton Hillis

Merry Christmas from our family to yours